Very Discerning or Overly Critical?

One of my spiritual gifts is discernment. When someone says something slightly wrong about the Bible or theology, like in a sermon, I can usually spot it quickly. I might not always know the basis behind that red flashing light that comes into my head, but after thinking and researching about it, I am more often right than wrong.

But the red flashing light does not only come on during borderline heretical statements. It also comes on when I'm watching television and the content is sexually and/or spiritually inappropriate. It comes on when my friends use a certain 4-letter word (or similar words) while I converse with them. It comes on when my dining companion is seemingly rude to the server. Well, I wouldn't be worried if the red light only came on during the aforementioned situations and the like, but it also comes on when I don't like someone's fashion sense or when someone doesn't do things the way I think they ought to be done. I have ventured into being overly critical now.

However, I can usually comfort myself by keeping most of these observations inside and not telling anyone (or only telling my really good friends). But while I comfort myself, the red flashing light is still going off in head... about myself. Why am I so critical about other people? Why do I perceive "wrong" (different preferences and potential sin) so easily? Is it pride within myself? Have I perversed the spiritual gift given to me? Are my own insecurities coming up when I focus in on others' flaws?

Or... is it okay to perceive the "wrongs" as long as I don't focus on them? Or am I just judging others? What's the right way to tell someone that I think they're wrong in a matter? Yesterday, in Sunday school, someone mentioned that as long as truth is told in love, it's okay. The discussion went further into using the other person's responsiveness to determine the success of the confrontation. But if that is the measure, how successful was Jesus when He was on earth? Didn't the Pharisees and the masses hate Him when He pointed out their flaws?

This matter is nowhere close to being resolved in my mind. Where is the line between discernment and criticism? When and how is it appropriate to bring up such observations? A verse that Pastor Lew brought up in class was "Better is open rebuke than hidden love" (Proverbs 27:5). This proverb was written more for the person who receives the "open rebuke," but what does it say about the person who gives it?

I'd appreciate anyone's input on things I've mentioned. I know that I have a lot of growing to do. Sigh... I ramble too much...

Falling Out of Shape is Easy

Running is tough...

This morning, I had the toughest time running just 5 miles with the Pasadena Pacers for our weekly Saturday morning run. In fact, I felt so horrible that I ended up walking most of the last 2 miles. I felt very much out of shape.

After finishing the Los Angeles Marathon back in March, I've really been slacking off with my running. It took nearly 6 months for me to train for the marathon and after less than 2 months, I've regressed to a huffing and puffing slug.

As I ponder my regression, I realize that this can easily be true with spiritual health as well as physical health. Being in shape takes time and discipline. How can I expect to share my faith or to serve effectively if I am not spiritually in shape. It's not just enough for me to read the Bible or to pray "when I feel like it." I need to do those things even when I don't feel like it. (Likewise, I also need to exercise even when I don't feel like it.) How can I teach Sunday school or lead a Bible study when I haven't read the Bible all week? Yes, I can have the material and I can say the right things and have the right handouts, but how effective can I really be when the rest of my life lacks spiritual training. How can I spontaneously answer questions from a seeker when I'm not even familiar with His Word?

It's tough getting into shape, physically and spiritually, but it's so easy to get out of shape. May I have the discipline to spend time with my heavenly Father on a regular basis and not fall out of shape. (May I also have the disicpline to exercise!)

"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful." Joshua 1:8

What's Your Perspective?

For years, my friend Wing encouraged me to take a 4-month weekly class called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement, but I resisted because of time. Finally, I gave in this year... and boy am I glad I did!

At the beginning of the course, I received a HUGE binder with tons of articles and information on different umbrella perspectives about missions: biblical, historical, strategic and cultural. I wish I had more time to read the notebook, but have not actually read much since the third week of class. My consolation is that I get to keep the notebook, so I fully intend on reading it when I find the time.

Every week in class, a different speaker comes to share about his/her experiences with and thoughts about missions (whether afar or right in their regular lives). Just when I think there is nothing new someone can share about the topic, I am awed by a new perspective. During last night's class (at Lake Avenue Church in Pasadena), I was challenged by what it means to be a follower of Jesus, and that just because I live my Christian life a certain way does not mean that it's the only way. In North America, we often see that going to church every sunday, praying a certain way and conforming to the stereotypical Christian culture are the marks of good Christians. Last night, I was challenged otherwise. When we encourage people to know Christ, are we subconsciously asking them to completely give up their own cultures and existence in their families before they can be called followers of Jesus? This is all very difficult for me to explain in writing, but I hope you kind of understand what I'm trying to say.

Whether you consider yourself to be mission-minded or not, I fully encourage you to take this course for enrichment. In our busy lives, a nearly 4-month weekly commitment is huge, but it's so worth it! (The course is offered in many cities across North America.) I seriously cannot believe I've gone through my Christian life for so long without having even thought about so many of these perspectives. Boy have I been sheltered!

Feeling Homeless

Many have asked me where I'll be living when I move up to Vancouver. Unfortunately, Regent College does not provide housing; it's too small of an institution. Students usually rent basement suites. Basement suites are basically self-contained apartments in homeowners' basements. That sounds exciting to me because nobody in Los Angeles has a basement, but it also means that I'll get little to no sunlight.

After much searching by my relatives and friends, I might have a good lead. It's too difficult to get into all the nitty-gritty details, but I ask for your prayers on this matter. Although my cousin Ken reassures me that it should be no problem for me to find a place even after I arrive in Vancouver, the planner side of me hopes that things will be settled before I even get there. Of course, I need to learn to also be okay with uncertainty. (Ken has also graciously offered for me to stay at his house until I find a more permanent place, but I don't want to wear out my welcome.)

On a more tangible note, if any of you know people living in west Vancouver within 2 miles of UBC and Regent College, please ask if they might have a basement suite for rent. Thanks!

May God grant me patience and faith on this matter. Even if I'm physically "homeless," may I always find spiritual shelter in my Father's arms.

An Amateur Blogger... Yikes!

Ever since I decided to move away for seminary, many people have encouraged me to start a blog. I resisted for awhile because I didn't want to create more junk in the internet world. However, after much thought, I decided it might be easier to blog than to answer a ton of questions about seminary every time I talked to someone. So, here goes...

**********************************

In January 2007, I applied for admission to Regent College in Vancouver and was accepted in February. I will start school in September, studying towards a Master's Degree in Christian Studies. I will be moving up from Los Angeles to Vancouver at the end of August. This program is 2-3 years long with the majority of students finishing just shy of 3 years. I would greatly appreciate all your prayers as I prepare for the move and major change in my life. As a true So Cal girl, I'm accustomed to plenty of sun and having my own car. Neither will be true in Vancouver. I'll have to purchase my first-ever goose-down coat!

Below is my application essay (written in January 2007) for your viewing pleasure and so you'll better understand why I'm doing what I'm doing. Blogging is definitely a whole new world for me! Please join me in my new adventures.

***********************************

Running a marathon is a lot like my faith journey. At the starting line of my first marathon, I was anxious for the race to begin. I was excited about even being part of the race. My “faith race” began at the age of eight when I accepted Christ as my personal Savior. Silly to admit, but it was exciting when I received a brand new Bible and special recognition at Vacation Bible School for starting the race.

The first few miles of the marathon were like a party with people all around me. The first few years of being a Christian were like a party as well. My church friends were always around me. Going to church and “serving” were fun. My life was sheltered with few difficulties.

At the 15th mile, I “hit a wall.” My starting easy pace was no longer easy. Each step became painful. I wondered if I could even finish the race. My body ached in an unbelievable way. I knew I was under-trained. When I was 15-years-old, my father was diagnosed with stomach cancer and passed away. My faith and belief in God’s goodness came to a screeching halt. I had serious doubts about whether or not I could continue in this “faith race.” I felt completely out of control. Could I really pull out of my helpless situation? Would I regain faith in God… in His goodness? The tunnel looked endless and I could not see the light.

A few miles later into the marathon, my body oddly began to gain strength. I realized that it was not my body that was giving up on me. It was my mind. As I regained my motivation, I realized that I could keep running even when my body hurt. It took over a year after my father passed away before I began to have faith again. My heart still hurt, but as I began to focus on the many ways God had been faithful throughout my life, I knew that I could survive. I could keep “running.”

The race felt different. Each step became more meaningful. It was no longer about just finishing the race, but also about the course, my fellow runners and the cheering spectators. Likewise, life became different as I renewed my faith. Faith for me was no longer just a child’s blind faith in only good things happening. It became a more mature faith – one that trusted in God’s utter goodness, love and sovereignty even when I cannot see it for myself.

For the rest of the marathon, there were times when I thoroughly enjoyed being part of the race and there were times I kept wondering when I would finally reach the finish line. There were even times when I wished I was just one of the happy spectators on the side. That is how life is for me in adulthood. For the most part, I enjoy my spiritual journey… teaching Sunday school, babysitting in the nursery, directing church weddings, praying each morning, reading the Bible on a park bench, sharing with friends and family, etc. But there are other times when I wish I were at the end – in heaven – because life feels too hard after a break-up with a boyfriend, when ministries fail, when finances are short, when I’m physically ill, etc. Then, sometimes I look at non-Christians and see how their naïve worlds look so easy, and I wish I was just as naïve, just living one day after another without much thought about eternity.

Yet, when I read the Word, pray fully with my heart and see the beautiful things God does in my life, I know with absolute certainty that I am glad to be on this faith journey… “run[ning] a good race” (Galatians 5:7).

Currently, I am training for my next full marathon on March 4th. I am trying to run 3-4 times per week, varying the distances, speeds and inclines. I am pushing my body to limits I never knew it had. I am much slower than most of the other people in my running group, but I keep persevering. If I want to strengthen my running skills, I need to work hard and train with diligence. As I prepare to follow through with God’s calling for me to go into seminary, I am training as well. I recently took on a volunteer position as a Minister’s Assistant at my church to better understand the challenges and rewards of church ministry. I am also trying to pray and read the Word on a daily basis.

Running a marathon is my idea and my dream. But I can say with full certainty that going to seminary was not my idea. It is now my dream, but it all began with God. He put the idea in my head, then in my heart. Over two years ago, I began feeling God’s prompting for me to study more about Him, so I read the Bible more and prayed more. In my prayer journaling, I felt God bringing seminary into my head. At first, I tried to ignore the notion, not wanting to change my life. But it kept coming back. Finally, I challenged God. I asked Him, “If you want me to drop my career and my business to go to seminary, why is my company doing so well?” Just two weeks later, four clients canceled their contracts with me. I was in shock because I never had a client cancel a contract before, and suddenly, four had canceled. Again, I challenged God. I asked, “If I drop everything and go to seminary, isn’t it only fair that You tell me where to go, what to study and what you want me to do afterwards?” Then, He led me to read “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

With nowhere to run to, I had to trust God. Through various experiences, my faith in His calling is now stronger. What began as His idea was quickly becoming my dream as well. I do not fully know where He is leading me, but I am learning to better trust Him and to listen when the Holy Spirit speaks (whether through prayer, the Bible, circumstances or others). As God promised Joshua, He also promised me “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Joshua 1:5).

One day, it is my desire to be before the throne and know that I have run the best I could and that I kept the faith (2 Timothy 4:7).