One of my spiritual gifts is discernment. When someone says something slightly wrong about the Bible or theology, like in a sermon, I can usually spot it quickly. I might not always know the basis behind that red flashing light that comes into my head, but after thinking and researching about it, I am more often right than wrong.
But the red flashing light does not only come on during borderline heretical statements. It also comes on when I'm watching television and the content is sexually and/or spiritually inappropriate. It comes on when my friends use a certain 4-letter word (or similar words) while I converse with them. It comes on when my dining companion is seemingly rude to the server. Well, I wouldn't be worried if the red light only came on during the aforementioned situations and the like, but it also comes on when I don't like someone's fashion sense or when someone doesn't do things the way I think they ought to be done. I have ventured into being overly critical now.
However, I can usually comfort myself by keeping most of these observations inside and not telling anyone (or only telling my really good friends). But while I comfort myself, the red flashing light is still going off in head... about myself. Why am I so critical about other people? Why do I perceive "wrong" (different preferences and potential sin) so easily? Is it pride within myself? Have I perversed the spiritual gift given to me? Are my own insecurities coming up when I focus in on others' flaws?
Or... is it okay to perceive the "wrongs" as long as I don't focus on them? Or am I just judging others? What's the right way to tell someone that I think they're wrong in a matter? Yesterday, in Sunday school, someone mentioned that as long as truth is told in love, it's okay. The discussion went further into using the other person's responsiveness to determine the success of the confrontation. But if that is the measure, how successful was Jesus when He was on earth? Didn't the Pharisees and the masses hate Him when He pointed out their flaws?
This matter is nowhere close to being resolved in my mind. Where is the line between discernment and criticism? When and how is it appropriate to bring up such observations? A verse that Pastor Lew brought up in class was "Better is open rebuke than hidden love" (Proverbs 27:5). This proverb was written more for the person who receives the "open rebuke," but what does it say about the person who gives it?
I'd appreciate anyone's input on things I've mentioned. I know that I have a lot of growing to do. Sigh... I ramble too much...
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8 comments:
Not directly related to the post. For someone who claims to not know what she's doing, you sure do have alot to say. :)
Is this a criticism? Or a discernment?
Hi Eunice :)
I've never considered fashion sense or doing things the way they ought to as the spiritual gift of discernment. In my opinion, they are opinions/aesthetics, and the way you work or that you're a problem solver.
Discernment is distinguishing between spirits (1 Corinthians). My red flashing is knowing when someone isn't telling the truth, decieving, heretical, acting, etc...compared to truth, honesty, and real. I also sense people's vibes or their spirit if you know what I mean. It's so strong...it's a trip.
But I think people can be very discerning with different things, but it doesn't mean it's the spiritual gift of discernment. That there's a difference between spiritual gift and ability/talent. I think you can have one or both. Spiritual gift is meant for his body (or kingdom). I've struggled with this discernment gift, because even though I try to tell whoever in love - some people just don't want to hear it. So instead they get upset and say hurtful things or think I'm being judgemental...so I know what you mean about that. Because of negative reactions, when I get the nudge sometimes I whine to God, "Do i have to?" because I feared of getting hurt or making him/her hate me.
Julie,
You're totally right when you say that discernment does not necessarily include fashion sense and being particular about how things are done. That's why I said that it's about me jumping to being critical. However, even in those two senses, I would be challenged to say that they MIGHT have something to do with spiritual matters. For example, a woman who dresses provocatively may not understand her value in God or may believe that her body can be used as a method of manipulating men. Similarly, people who continuously choose to do things in ways which they were not asked may be displaying rebellion of some sort for some hidden meaning. I am not saying that I can determine such things merely based on one incident or one condition, but they may be symtoms of a bigger problem. Superficial matters can aid in the discernment of deeper issues of what is real and what is not.
It is definitely hard to tell people when you perceive a wrong in them. A friend recently said that it's because we, as women, are conditioned to believe that showing grace is more important than showing truth. Therefore, when we see truth, we are wary and want to cover it up with grace... or we feel fear/guilt. I'm still thinking about this theory, but I'm curious as to what you may think.
Sorry for being cheeky, but I just want to know what was deleted! :P
jesse... so nosey. :)
Hi Eun :) I see what you mean by your examples, but I do think those are more like clues that connect to the logic based on our own perspectives (which stems from our knowledge and past experiences). I think this is more like a supplement to discernment.
About showing more grace than truth, I think the reason is more that a lot of us are softies and are afraid to hurt other people's feelings. Though I don't doubt the theory for some women who may be conditioned by their family and culture. For me, I know I was hesitant because I don't know how I can take the negative reaction because I don't want to end up hurt or be the bad guy when I'm just a messenger. These days, I don't I'm the same because I think I can probably take it better than I did a few years ago.
Thanks Eunice for bringing this subject up. This is something I always struggle with. Sometimes I don’t know if I am just seeing other people’s speck without seeing my own plank. and i worry that I will jeopardize the friendship when I speak the truth - even in love. I spoke the truth to a friend before and caused uneasiness in our friendship. Thinking back, I think God has taught me a lesson. I needed to speak the truth in love and also with humility. I was not sensitive enough to the receiver’s feeling. I trust that God will give me the wisdom to do it right next time. I would like to think that true friendship should flourish with “open rebuke than hidden love”. Hmmm, I like the bible verse Pastor Lew used ;)
alright, I better get back to my studies… got a midterm tomorrow :~~~~
Take care,
Betty
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