Health Concerns II

Follow-up to "Health Concerns" on Sunday, May 27, 2007.

Today, I was fitted with a Holter monitor to record my heart's activities for 24 hours. I'm not sure if this will do any good because my palpitations are very rare. But, I hope that something will come out of it because I had to pay a bundle to get this test done.
So, for 24 hours, I'll have wires taped to my chest and a little portable device hanging at the end of the wires. I'm told that I need to live life normally while wearing the device, especially running. The hard part, though, is that I can't shower while wearing this. This will prove to be rather gross because I can't shower after running. I feel sorry for all the people who will have to see me after my running but before I return the device, especially those 2nd graders at my mom's school to whom I will be reading tomorrow.

The saga continues...

Health Concerns

Here are my concerns:

1. During my 8th mile of the Los Angeles Marathon back in March, I had quite a scare when my heart started palpitating rapidly. In fact, I had to sit out for nearly 20 minutes and initially even thought that I'd be meeting my Maker that day. The paramedic who attended to me told me to quit, but for some reason (which can only be explained by insanity), I continued and finished the marathon.


2. For an endurance runner, I have an incredibly high resting heart rate (high 70s to low 80s).


3. I am constantly fatigued. Even after a good night's sleep of 6-8 hours, I find myself in need of a nap during the day, sometimes within just a couple hours of waking up in the morning. And I'm not talking about those 15-minute power naps. My naps last 1-2 hours each time. Without my naps, I am an absolute zombie for the rest of the day.


4. I get headaches frequently, and am known to pass out from time to time.

I procrastinated in seeing my doctor, but finally succumbed to pleas of loved ones and my own common sense this past Tuesday. He ordered comprehensive blood tests to be done on me. The results showed everything to be "normal," except for a low red blood cell count and enlarged red blood cells.
I still need to talk to my doctor about what this all means and what I need to do, but I spoke with Uncle Paul at church because he's a doctor. Blessedly, since he's also part of Kaiser Permanente, he was able to access my medical records. He spoke to me today and told me that the enlarged red blood cells and low red blood cell count is due to my endurance training. But, nevertheless, he feels that I may benefit from seeing a hematologist. I hope to talk to my doctor this week regarding my situation.

According to Uncle Paul, however, the blood tests do not actually explain the palpitations, fatigue, headaches, or high resting heart rate. After talking to my doctor and perhaps meeting with a hematologist, I hope to receive a clear diagnosis so that I can have an action plan to improve my health.

Please keep me in your prayers. Thanks.

With a Heavy Heart, I Let Them Go

As part of the discipleship ministry at my church, I took on the responsibility of discipling two high school girls. Before I left for Vancouver, I committed to going through twelve Bible studies with them using the first half of the MasterLife discipleship program. However, I did not get to meet with either one of them as consistently as they initially promised me because of their busy schedules. Despite my prodding with phone calls and emails, they often did not respond to me about meeting up. As I prayed and thought about these two girls, I realized that it should be neither my pushing them to read the Bible nor my forcing them to grow spiritually; it is about them taking the responsibility.

So, when I met with them this morning at the Diner on Main, I put the responsibility on them. I told them that I didn't feel like they cared for the Bible studies and that their relationships with God were not a priority. Even though I thought my assessment was correct, I kept hoping to be wrong. I wanted them to tell me, "No, Eunice, you've got it all wrong. We want these Bible studies. We really want to grow." But that did not happen. Instead, they confirmed my observations... claiming to not be "ready" to grow. I asked them what needed to happen for them to be "ready," but they were unable to tell me.

Finally, I realized that I had to let go of these two girls and place them completely into God's hands. I ended my discipleship relationships with them this morning. I will continue to pray for them. If they contact me, I will respond, but I will not "chase" after them anymore.

I am not mourning the loss of my relationships with them, even though I'm upset about it. Instead, I am mourning their ambivalence about their spiritual walks. I am especially worried because one will be starting college in the fall and the other will soon be a senior in high school. Also, neither of them attend church anymore.

I left our meeting with a rock in my heart. I cried almost the entire way home and I cried for another hour after I got home. I don't feel guilty about this (which is very un-Chinese), but I am definitely very sad.

What are the Chances?!?!

This is just a story, but the back knowledge that you need to know is that Deerfield, Illinois is a very small rural suburb of Chicago and the home of Trinity Evangelical Divinity School (a seminary I considered attending).

Last Friday, the Lee women (Auntie Rose, Dora and Sandra) invited Wing, Carolyn and me to have English tea at Huntington Library in Pasadena. It was a fun time of eating and chatting, although it was a bit uncomfortable when the overly efficient server took away my plate, fork and tea before I was even done. But I digress...

While we were walking through the garden back to the front entrance, the ladies mildly complained about my pending move up to Vancouver. To make them feel better, I told them that Vancouver is a beautiful city and still in the same time zone as Los Angeles. I also invited them to visit me by baiting them with the prospects of great food in Vancouver. For emphasis, I declared, "Well, at least it's not Deerfield, Illinois!"

As soon as those words left my mouth, an older couple walking in the opposite direction turned around and the lady exclaimed, "Deerfield, Illinois?!?! What's wrong with Deerfield, Illinois? I'm from Deerfield, Illinois."

Woah!!!

We chatted with the couple a little bit afterwards and all decided that this was a pretty crazy incident. What are the chances that we would meet someone from that small town just at the moment I mentioned it? There weren't even other people around us. What are the chances?!?!?!

Does anyone else have a smilar story to tell?

When Group Prayer Becomes Group Counseling

Every Wednesday night, I go to prayer meeting at my church. After singing some hymns and sharing some general prayer requests in the larger group, we break off into small groups to share more specific prayer requests and to pray. Too often, our sharing time turns out to be far longer than our praying time. We're supposed to end by 9:00PM, but because of all the talking, we inevitably end later than that. Why is this? And why do we feel compelled to give advice or to tangent into some other story when someone shares a prayer request? Why is the time not actually focused more on prayer... on turning everything over to God?

We seem more comfortable in venting with each other and counseling with each other, rather than just crying out to God, "Help us!"

Why?

And how do we move beyond this?

Last month, I came up with some guidelines for group praying. Here they are... let me know what y'all think...

1. Be prepared. If you know you will be praying with others, prepare yourself. Prepare spiritually by spending time on your own in prayer and in the Scriptures beforehand. Also prepare yourself mentally, physically and emotionally.


2. Be conscious of time. Start on time and end on time. Sharing time should not surpass praying time. Don’t talk so much that you don’t give others a chance to talk. Likewise, don’t hesitate to share.


3. Do not share prayer items about other people unless they are particularly heavy upon your heart. Sharing outside people’s prayer requests may inadvertently turn into gossip or just spreading information.


4. Listen to the heart of the sharer. It is important to know “the information,” but it is more important to understand the feelings. Even if you don’t completely understand the situation, you can still try to empathize with him/her.


5. Leave advice and discussion for after prayer. When we give advice or discuss situations before praying, we are telling others and God that we know how to solve the problem without Him. During prayer, be open to God’s calling as He may give you or someone else guidance. If God has spoken to you, be sure to share with the other person.


6. Keep confidentialities. So that all will feel more comfortable being vulnerable, prayer items (requests or praises) should not be shared with others outside the group. Unless otherwise told by the sharer, all prayer items are confidential.


7. Pray simply from your heart. There is no need for lengthy or mystical Christian jargon. There is no need to “tell God what to do”. When we’re helpless in how to pray, we would be wise to remember the prayer of a desperate mother: “Lord, help me!” (Matthew 15:25).


8. Don’t forget to praise and give thanks. God is not Santa Claus just waiting to fulfill our various requests, wants and needs. God desires to be glorified. He has given and done so much; let us not forget. If you pray with a regular group, remember to update them on answered prayers and ongoing prayer items.

Have I Been Called?

Have I been called to the mission field? I have a passion for missions and a strong desire to see people come to a saving knowledge of God, but I definitely do not have the gift of evangelism. In fact, when people ask me about God, I get all tongue-tied. This is strange because I definitely have a talent for gabbing.

Or have I already been bibilcally called to missions? Afterall, Jesus commanded all His people, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age" (Matthew 28:18-20).

So, maybe my question shouldn't be, "Have I been called to go?" Perhaps my question ought to be, "Have I been called to stay?" Have I specifically been called to stay as a sender? As a welcomer? As a mobilizer?

If I am not called to stay, shouldn't I be "going"?

I'm not sure if I'm being theologically correct here. I guess I'll learn more in seminary, but I'm curious about what others might think.

*FINE PRINT: I don't mean to say that the mission field must include traveling overseas or far away from home. Each person, in obedience to God, must decide for himself where his mission field is.

Very Discerning or Overly Critical?

One of my spiritual gifts is discernment. When someone says something slightly wrong about the Bible or theology, like in a sermon, I can usually spot it quickly. I might not always know the basis behind that red flashing light that comes into my head, but after thinking and researching about it, I am more often right than wrong.

But the red flashing light does not only come on during borderline heretical statements. It also comes on when I'm watching television and the content is sexually and/or spiritually inappropriate. It comes on when my friends use a certain 4-letter word (or similar words) while I converse with them. It comes on when my dining companion is seemingly rude to the server. Well, I wouldn't be worried if the red light only came on during the aforementioned situations and the like, but it also comes on when I don't like someone's fashion sense or when someone doesn't do things the way I think they ought to be done. I have ventured into being overly critical now.

However, I can usually comfort myself by keeping most of these observations inside and not telling anyone (or only telling my really good friends). But while I comfort myself, the red flashing light is still going off in head... about myself. Why am I so critical about other people? Why do I perceive "wrong" (different preferences and potential sin) so easily? Is it pride within myself? Have I perversed the spiritual gift given to me? Are my own insecurities coming up when I focus in on others' flaws?

Or... is it okay to perceive the "wrongs" as long as I don't focus on them? Or am I just judging others? What's the right way to tell someone that I think they're wrong in a matter? Yesterday, in Sunday school, someone mentioned that as long as truth is told in love, it's okay. The discussion went further into using the other person's responsiveness to determine the success of the confrontation. But if that is the measure, how successful was Jesus when He was on earth? Didn't the Pharisees and the masses hate Him when He pointed out their flaws?

This matter is nowhere close to being resolved in my mind. Where is the line between discernment and criticism? When and how is it appropriate to bring up such observations? A verse that Pastor Lew brought up in class was "Better is open rebuke than hidden love" (Proverbs 27:5). This proverb was written more for the person who receives the "open rebuke," but what does it say about the person who gives it?

I'd appreciate anyone's input on things I've mentioned. I know that I have a lot of growing to do. Sigh... I ramble too much...